Hey, Assbutts! It's Supernatural Tuesday!

{Obviously. Also, see #3 on my Wish List.}

Supernatural’s 9^th season premiers tonight! I was seriously late to the game on this show, but now I can’t get enough of Team Free Will doing what they do best: “Saving people, hunting things…the family business.” 

{Or, perhaps more accurately: "Manly brooding, eye-fucking each other...the fan-servicing business." Ahem. For reals though, this show is the best.}

 

I was sad to hear that the incomparable Ben Edlund, creator of The Tick and scribe of many of SPN’s best episodes—for instance, Season 5’s “The End” and Season 6’s “The French Mistake”—left to write for Revolution. Nonetheless, I have faith in Jeremy Carver and the current writing team to play out the ramifications of Season 8’s strong finale. The promos that the CW’s been running feature more Abaddon action, the introduction of a new angel played by Battlestar Galactica’s Helo, and the trials and tribulations of the newly-human Castiel. Our favorite Horseman even makes an appearance! 

{How exactly does one go about conveying one's love for Death? Seriously, I just want to eat fattening, delicious food with this droll motherfucker.}

 

Carver reportedly has a story arc planned through the 10^th season, but that will not for one second deter me from selfishly coveting some checkmarks on my own Supernatural wish list!

From the reasonable to the reasonably ridiculous, here’s what I’m hoping for in season 9.

Top Five SPN S09 Wishes – (BONUS) Now By Category!

#1) Biggest Character-Related Wish: Epic Villainy

Remember how delightfully disturbing Ol’ Yellow Eyes was? Not since Azazel has SPN brought on a truly epic Big Bad. Lilith only really had the season 3 finale to shine; Lucifer was underutilized (and, c’mon, honestly kind of likable); Dick and the Leviathan were visually creepy-cool but otherwise dull; Eve’s potential was quashed before it could play out; and I am beyond sick of the “Oops—I’m the bad guy!” Cas card. Crowley is a truly fantastic character and came into his villainous own in season 8; but I don’t really see him as a Big Bad on the same level as someone like Azazel. He’s too fun and cuddly to be truly frightening, and now, of course, he’s even more in the gray. Sidebar: I am immensely looking forward to this development. Let’s hope for more HBO references. “You know nothing, Moose Winchester!” Aaaanyway, my fingers are so crossed that Abaddon will turn out to be as epic a villain as she has the potential to be. SPN needs more well-developed and consistent female characters. I would love for an epically evil, badass knight of Hell to be one of them!

{Girlcrush status.}

#2) Biggest Feels Wish: The Return of The Samulet

C’mon, I can’t be the only one still incredulous about the fact that both Sam and Cas just let Dean toss the amulet in the trashcan. It’s been so many seasons since then, so I know it’s not likely to return. But seriously, guys…couldn’t Sammy have fished it out and tucked it away somewhere? Pretty please?

{Remember the Christmas special? All the feels!}

#3) Biggest Resurrection Wish: Bring Back Gabriel, Already!

Yes, I love Bobby. Yes, I love Team Free Will. Honestly, though, the writers should take Dean’s advice: sometimes, what’s dead should stay dead. There are no stakes involved when we anticipate that the brothers will always be resurrected; and continuing to bring back a character like Bobby only cheapens the poignancy of wonderful episodes like “Death’s Door” (for this same reason, I’ll also be bummed if we see Meg again). If they’re going to resurrect characters, I’d rather see someone like Gabriel come back. Richard Speight is a fan favorite, and the Trickster episodes were consistently among the best. Gabriel was arguably the most interesting character on the show with his hilarious but deadly antics and his complex backstory/development. Maybe it’s because I just re-watched “Changing Channels,” but I would seriously love to see this guy back in the fold!

{My sentiments exactly.}

#4) Biggest MOTW Wish: No Bland Standalones, Please

I know that there are fans who still favor the Monster of the Week episodes. I am not one of those fans. There is nothing worse than having the story arc stall at a critical moment for the brothers to go hunt some random vampire. Murderous mannequins? The terrible episode with the man-witch and the familiar? The random mythic gods and goddesses? Please stop. Just stop. If there must be a MOTW, I would rather it be a funny episode, a la “The French Mistake” or last season's "Hunteri Heroici." I’d also be okay with a truly creepy episode, something that mostly disappeared after the first season. “Woman in White,” “Bloody Mary,” “Something Wicked”…as much as the show improved when the myth arc picked up, I did really enjoy those genuinely spooky early episodes. Although I know it wasn’t a popular episode, I also didn’t mind the found-footage werewolf episode, “Bitten,” in season 8. I’d rather see something intriguing: a unique format, a frightening episode, something meta or funny (or both)…or not have a MOTW episode at all.

 {Still giggling over Castiel's critical analysis of Roadrunner and Coyote.}

#5) Biggest Fandom Wank Wish: Dean Can Dig Elvis

Human Cas develops an interest in music, and he takes an especially strong liking to Elvis. He’s riding shotgun in the Impala with Dean. “Can I put something on?” he asks when Dean’s Metallica cassette finishes. Dean raises his eyebrows and shrugs, because really, since when does Cas listen to or even care about music? He’s curious to see where this is going. Cas flicks through radio stations until he hears the syrupy croons of Elvis. He grins and settles back into his seat. Dean can’t help but smirk. He’s about to make a snarky comment about Cas’s choice in music; but his companion is smiling contentedly, head bobbing gently along to the tune. Dean swallows his sarcasm and just shakes his head and laughs. So Cas likes Elvis, huh? Okay. Sure. Dean can dig Elvis.  *Aaaaand fandom explodes.*

{Not sure if Misha Troll-ins, or just a coincidence... But no, I would not recommend reading "Twist and Shout" unless you like your fic fundamentally traumatizing. If you don't know what "Twist and Shout" is, please ignore my ramblings and carry on.}

 In conclusion: Crowley.

{Really, let's just have every episode be about Mark Sheppard being handsome and sly. Cool?}

Enjoy your pie and purple nurples. Happy viewing!

Image/gif sources:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/pig-n-a-poke

http://destielpassengers.tumblr.com/page/4

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/supernatural/images/34556272/title/death-photo

http://rorycas.tumblr.com/post/50627247342/hellchesters-abaddon-the-queen-of-everything-in

http://dnmmagazine.com/2012/06/17/supernatural-the-impact-of-an-amulet/

http://www.neowin.net

http://8tracks.com/gabrielrising/i-can-dig-elvis

http://rebloggy.com/post/supernatural-sam-winchester-jared-padalecki-crowley-mark-sheppard/32858210286